Pancakes?
I can’t believe it’s 12 weeks until pancake day, and already shops are selling flour and eggs!
Blood donation
I thought I’d be generous and donate blood today but honestly why do they have to ask so many questions? Whose blood is it? Where did you get it? Why is it in a bucket? Can you tell this policeman your name?
Will:
My Uncle had just left me a stately home in his will. Not sure where Sodd Hall is, but I’m thrilled!…
Pub joke
Motorway goes into a pub.
Motorway: Give me a pint! A
Barman: There you go. That’ll be £2.20
Motorway: I’m not paying for this. I’m mad I am, MAD.
Barman: Alright, alright keep your money.
Motorway sits in the corner of the pub, drinking its pint.
Dual carriageway comes into the pub.
Dual carriageway: Give me a pint!
Barman: There you go. That’ll be £2.20.
Dual carriageway: I’m not paying for this. I’m mad I am, MAD.
Barman: Not another nutter.
Dual carriageway: I’m bloody mad I am.
Barman: Alright, alright keep it.
Dual carriageway and Motorway sit in the corner of the pub drinking their pints.
Tarmac comes into the pub.
Tarmac: Give me a pint.
Barman: There you go. That’ll be £2.20.
Tarmac: I’m not paying for this. I’m mad I am, MAD.
Barman: Look I’m not having this. No more free pints!
Dual carriageway and Motorway: (Shaking their heads)
You’d better let him have it “He’s a cycle path”.
I recently took a pole – and found out that 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed.
Where are you?
Jill’s car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down.
One day John got yet another one of those calls. “What happened this time?” he asked.
“My brakes wont work,” Jill said. “Can you come to get me?”
“Where are you?” John asked.
“I’m in the chemist,” Jill responded.
“And where’s the car?” John asked.
Jill replied, “It’s in here with me.”
